how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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