i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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