I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
