I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
