Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
