see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A+ Viking dick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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