if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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