You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
