me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
