Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
