That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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