I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
