haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
