9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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