Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
