I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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