i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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