"it" just moved
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
