Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
