WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
