I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
