I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
