He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
