i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
