Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
