I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
