# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
