i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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