Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize