it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
