I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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