So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
