I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
