I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
