tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
