i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
