No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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