think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
