My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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