I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
