I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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