he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
