just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
