If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
