if you like me you must not know who I am
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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