I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
