I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
