I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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