I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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