Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
