it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
