i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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