So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm always down for nudity.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
