i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
