They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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