Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
