I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
whose parrot is this?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize