I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
