Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I party with great urgency now.
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