we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
