If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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