I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
