Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
thus making me awesome and them whores
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
