That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
