I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
