I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
