Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
