Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
