just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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