i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
