Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
